Trauma: Myths and Misconceptions
When We Get Trauma All Wrong
These days, everyone’s talking about trauma. And like with anything that gets too popular, its meaning can start to blur.
But when a psychological concept gets used that much, it often gets stretched, misused, or misunderstood. It usually creates two opposite reactions. Both are understandable. And both are harmful.
But when a psychological concept gets used that much, it often gets stretched, misused, or misunderstood. It usually creates two opposite reactions. Both are understandable. And both are harmful.
The first reaction is minimization and denial.
“Oh come on, now everyone has trauma? We all got yelled at as kids and we’re just fine. People today are too sensitive. No need to overreact.”
The second extreme is to see trauma everywhere.
If someone looked at you the wrong way, disagreed with you, or simply didn’t act the way you wanted — it becomes, “They traumatized me.”
Both of these reactions might seem reasonable in their own way but they share one thing in common: they distort what trauma really is - and prevent us from working with it in a helpful way.
Let’s take a closer look at the myths behind these extremes.
“Oh come on, now everyone has trauma? We all got yelled at as kids and we’re just fine. People today are too sensitive. No need to overreact.”
The second extreme is to see trauma everywhere.
If someone looked at you the wrong way, disagreed with you, or simply didn’t act the way you wanted — it becomes, “They traumatized me.”
Both of these reactions might seem reasonable in their own way but they share one thing in common: they distort what trauma really is - and prevent us from working with it in a helpful way.
Let’s take a closer look at the myths behind these extremes.
Myth #1: If someone is doing okay, there was no trauma.
It’s easy to think that if someone has a job, a family, and seems fine on the outside - these talks of the trauma is not about them, they are all fine. But trauma doesn’t necessarily look dramatic or disruptive from the outside. Many people learn to live with it, to adapt in order still to preform, to achieve. But under the surface, they may carry chronic tension, a sense of defectiveness or unsafety or a feeling of never being loved.
Survival isn’t the same as healing.
It can quietly shape how a person see the reality, how he/she reacts and how feels - without being obvious to anyone else.
Survival isn’t the same as healing.
It can quietly shape how a person see the reality, how he/she reacts and how feels - without being obvious to anyone else.
Myth #2: If it doesn’t hurt, it wasn’t trauma.
Many people assume: if I can talk about something calmly, if I don’t feel pain when I remember it — then it must be healed. But that’s not always the case.
One of the most common effects of trauma is emotional shutdown. The psyche protects itself by disconnecting from the pain - and that disconnection can feel like calmness. In reality, this “calm” may be numbness. The emotions are still there, but buried deep. And keeping that emotional freeze in place often takes enormous inner energy. And sometimes no feeling any pain or emotion in the situation where you obviously should feel might be on the opposite, the clear sign of the trauma, which we usually skip from knowledge.
One of the most common effects of trauma is emotional shutdown. The psyche protects itself by disconnecting from the pain - and that disconnection can feel like calmness. In reality, this “calm” may be numbness. The emotions are still there, but buried deep. And keeping that emotional freeze in place often takes enormous inner energy. And sometimes no feeling any pain or emotion in the situation where you obviously should feel might be on the opposite, the clear sign of the trauma, which we usually skip from knowledge.
Myth #3: Trauma is only about something objectively horrible.
We often associate trauma with war, violence, abuse, or disasters — something clearly life-threatening or horrifying. And yes, those are obviously traumatic but trauma isn’t limited to those cases.
Trauma isn’t defined by how objectively “bad” the event was — it’s defined by how the person experienced it.
Remember 3 key ideas from my article "Let's talk about trauma" ? - here they come again.
If someone felt helpless, alone, and unable to protect their physical or emotional integrity, that can be traumatic — even if the situation doesn’t look extreme from the outside. A child growing up in an emotionally cold or rejecting environment may not be in physical danger. But if they had no way to feel safe, understood, or comforted — their inner world could still be deeply wounded.
Trauma isn’t defined by how objectively “bad” the event was — it’s defined by how the person experienced it.
Remember 3 key ideas from my article "Let's talk about trauma" ? - here they come again.
If someone felt helpless, alone, and unable to protect their physical or emotional integrity, that can be traumatic — even if the situation doesn’t look extreme from the outside. A child growing up in an emotionally cold or rejecting environment may not be in physical danger. But if they had no way to feel safe, understood, or comforted — their inner world could still be deeply wounded.
Myth #4: Since everyone has trauma, it’s nothing to talk about.
Sometimes people say: “Well, everyone’s been through something. We all had difficult childhoods. It’s just life.”“
But just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s harmless.
If most people live with chronic pain, that doesn’t mean we stop treating it.
If many people feel anxiety or burnout, that doesn’t mean it’s not a problem.
Maybe it’s easier to carry pain when we convince ourselves it’s normal.
Trauma still affects how we feel, how we connect, how we live — even if we’ve learned to carry it quietly. Brushing it off as “normal” may help us survive, but it doesn’t help us heal.
But just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s harmless.
If most people live with chronic pain, that doesn’t mean we stop treating it.
If many people feel anxiety or burnout, that doesn’t mean it’s not a problem.
Maybe it’s easier to carry pain when we convince ourselves it’s normal.
Trauma still affects how we feel, how we connect, how we live — even if we’ve learned to carry it quietly. Brushing it off as “normal” may help us survive, but it doesn’t help us heal.
Myths from the Other Side: Dramatization and Overgeneralization
Not all emotional pain is trauma - disappointment, frustration, sadness — these are painful but often "normal" experiences. Negative emotions are part of life. Children cry — it doesn’t always mean trauma. Crying is one of the body’s ways to cope with stress.
Trauma happens only when the psyche is overwhelmed and can’t process what’s happening.
When we call everything “trauma” or “retraumatization,” we blur the meaning and devalue the real experience of those who truly suffered. Let's see the myths from the other side.
Trauma happens only when the psyche is overwhelmed and can’t process what’s happening.
When we call everything “trauma” or “retraumatization,” we blur the meaning and devalue the real experience of those who truly suffered. Let's see the myths from the other side.
Myth #5: Any emotional pain is trauma.
Not all emotional pain is trauma - disappointment, frustration, sadness — these are painful but often "normal" experiences. Negative emotions are part of life. Children cry — it doesn’t always mean trauma. Crying is one of the body’s ways to cope with stress.
Trauma forms only when the psyche is overwhelmed and cannot cope - not every unpleasant experience leaves a traumatic imprint.
Trauma forms only when the psyche is overwhelmed and cannot cope - not every unpleasant experience leaves a traumatic imprint.
Myth #6: Trauma makes you stronger.
You know this probably - everything that doesn't kill us makes us stronger. It presents trauma like something useful, making us grow, with post-traumatic growth as a guaranteed outcome.
Unfortunately it's not how it works either. Trauma doesn't lead to growth itself. Growth happens despite the trauma, not because of it. Growth require efforts, support, internal strength and, very often, help from others. It's not a build-in bonus, sometimes it remain just a pain and harm.
Unfortunately it's not how it works either. Trauma doesn't lead to growth itself. Growth happens despite the trauma, not because of it. Growth require efforts, support, internal strength and, very often, help from others. It's not a build-in bonus, sometimes it remain just a pain and harm.
The traumatic even is never just one thing - it's a complex equitation with many variables: what happened, when happened, to who, in which state, for how long, was there help available, what followed etc.
Next time I will speak about emotional and mental health, the difference and how the reflect the trauma.
