Stages of Relationship Development
Relationships are one of the most common reasons clients turn to coaching. I’ve always been curious about what makes relationships work and why some last longer than others. One theory that caught my eye is that relationships go through three main stages. This idea was developed by Drs. Margaret Mahler and Fred Pine, and later adapted for couples by Dr. Ellyn Bader. Let’s break down these stages and see how they play out in real life.
1. The Honeymoon Stage
That blissful beginning when love feels perfect, and everything seems just right.
2. Emerging Differences
When individuality resurfaces, and partners start noticing differences they might not have seen before.
3. Freedom
A time to negotiate independence and personal space while remaining connected.
4. Together as Two
The ultimate synergy—two distinct individuals working together in harmony.
That blissful beginning when love feels perfect, and everything seems just right.
2. Emerging Differences
When individuality resurfaces, and partners start noticing differences they might not have seen before.
3. Freedom
A time to negotiate independence and personal space while remaining connected.
4. Together as Two
The ultimate synergy—two distinct individuals working together in harmony.
Each stage comes with its own challenges and opportunities.
For example, during the Honeymoon Stage, a couple might avoid addressing minor disagreements, brushing them off to “keep the peace.” But unresolved, these small issues can snowball into larger misunderstandings as they move into the Emerging Differences stage.
Similarly, the struggle for independence during the Freedom stage can sometimes lead to feeling disconnected if not handled thoughtfully.
Relationships aren’t as effortless as romantic movies would have us believe. They require courage, commitment, and the willingness to navigate tough situations together. But here’s the good news: understanding these stages is the first step to building a lasting, fulfilling connection.
For example, during the Honeymoon Stage, a couple might avoid addressing minor disagreements, brushing them off to “keep the peace.” But unresolved, these small issues can snowball into larger misunderstandings as they move into the Emerging Differences stage.
Similarly, the struggle for independence during the Freedom stage can sometimes lead to feeling disconnected if not handled thoughtfully.
Relationships aren’t as effortless as romantic movies would have us believe. They require courage, commitment, and the willingness to navigate tough situations together. But here’s the good news: understanding these stages is the first step to building a lasting, fulfilling connection.
