To Divorce or
Not to Divorce
To Divorce or
Not to Divorce
At first, divorce feels like a solution.
A fresh start. No more arguments. No more resentment. Just freedom, peace, and a chance to be happy again. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves.
And yet, somewhere between the first exhilarating breath of independence and the cold reality of starting over, the cost begins to sink in.
And not just the financial cost—though that’s the most obvious one.
the one we expect, but rarely understand fully
Divorce isn’t just about signing papers. It’s about splitting a life in half—and paying the price for it. It starts with legal fees.
A straightforward divorce in Switzerland costs CHF 1,000–4,000 in court fees. But the moment disagreements arise, expenses spiral to CHF 10,000, 20,000, or more per spouse—all for the 'privilege' of untangling your finances in a courtroom.
And that’s only the beginning. After the lawyer’s bills are paid, the real financial impact kicks in:
- One household becomes two. Rent, mortgages, utilities—everything doubles.
- Alimony or child support enters the equation. Even when legally fair, it rarely feels financially fair.
- A lifestyle you built together is suddenly out of reach.
Many people leave believing freedom awaits, only to be shocked when they realize they can’t afford it.
One woman put it bluntly: "My husband, who makes no secret of his dislike for me, earns well. Together we own a lovely house. The alternative? Being alone with two little kids, no job training, and no financial security. Should I stay or should I go?"
Another compared the process of dividing assets to being “held hostage by guerrillas.” The longer the battle, the higher the cost—financially and emotionally.
Money and Emotions = Oil and Water
We like to think of money in black-and-white terms—just numbers. Either we have enough or we don’t have.
But money carries deep emotional weight—security, power, self-worth, even identity.
During divorce, money becomes more than just numbers—it becomes a battlefield. Fear, resentment, and anxiety drive decisions, pushing people into expensive legal fights that drain both finances and mental well-being. And in the grip of fear, rational judgment is an uphill battle.
Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts,
and you are the slave to your emotions
Fear, resentment, and anxiety drive decisions, pushing people into expensive legal fights that drain both finances and mental well-being. And in the grip of fear, rational judgment is an uphill battle.
the one we don’t anticipate
Divorce isn’t just the loss of a partner—it’s the loss of who you were in that relationship.
You wake up and realize that you are no longer someone’s spouse. No longer part of a couple. And then the questions hit: "If I’m not a partner, then who am I? How do I start over? How do I do this alone?"
Every divorcing person must go through this transition—some find their way, others feel lost for years.
And then, there’s grief.
From the moment we are born, we attach to others. And wherever there is attachment, there is always the possibility of loss. Divorce is no exception.
This grief isn’t just sadness—it’s an emotional storm of longing, fear, anger, love, regret, guilt, relief, and resentment—all at once. Some try to escape it by jumping into a new relationship, throwing themselves into work, or pretending they don’t care. But grief ignored is happiness delayed. Trying to bypass the pain only ensures it lingers.
Divorce doesn’t just change your relationship status—it shakes your sense of self.
the one we never talk about
Ok, you divorced. You paid the price. You started a new life. But isn’t it just repeating the same patterns with a new partner?
For some, divorce is a wake-up call—a chance for true personal transformation. But for many, it only deepens unhealed wounds, which they then hope their next relationship will fix.
Studies show that the divorce rate in second marriages stays the same—or even increases compared to first marriages. If we don’t change the patterns that led to the first divorce, we risk bringing them into the next relationship.
You fall in love. You believe this is it. Neither of you has a clue about the problems that will surface—sometimes in a few years, sometimes in just a few months. If we knew in advance how hard relationships could get, maybe some of us would never get married at all.
Every couple, at some point, faces the decision to stay or separate.
It’s easy to believe the marriage is broken beyond repair. That happiness lies somewhere outside of it.
But what if that’s a false choice? What if happiness isn’t about staying or leaving, but about learning how to relate differently?
Most unhappy marriages don’t fail because love is gone.
They fail because people don’t know how to repair, reconnect, and rebuild.
While some divorces are necessary, many marriages can be repaired. It may be difficult to face the issues that you and your spouse are struggling with, but research suggests that couples who work through their challenges often find greater happiness in the long run than those who separate.
It’s still two human beings trying to get along, so it’s going to be complicated
Wouldn’t it be better if couples saw their struggles as a chance to truly examine their relationship, seek professional help, and grow stronger together?
What if, instead of blaming each other, both partners took an honest look at their own role in the challenges they face?
When couples choose to invest in their relationship and make real changes, they might avoid an unnecessary divorce.
And even if they ultimately separate, the personal work they do in couples coaching can give them a far better chance at building a healthier relationship in the future.
Either way, the patterns change—and so do the statistics.
Because divorce isn’t always the answer. But change is.
If this message resonates, maybe you don’t need to make a final decision right now.
Maybe you just need a starting point. A safe space. A place to reflect.
I invite you to begin with three coaching sessions — either as a couple or individually.
These sessions include:
✔ A full relationship diagnosis (what’s working, what’s not, what keeps repeating)
✔ Understanding your patterns and emotional dynamics
✔ Creating a roadmap for clarity—whether you move forward together or apart
📍 Online in English and Russian.
Let’s begin. Together. Or alone. But never stuck.
Aubonne, Switzerland
+41 76 715 57 58
contact@mindyourmindcoach.com