Firstly, people lie to get what they want or to make someone do what they want them to do. It seems simple, except for one thing - why some can do this while others can't. Recently, I was studying Robert Kegan's model of social-emotional maturity. In his model, he shows 5 stages of development, where the 1st level, of course, is the level of a child who cannot control neither impulses nor reflexes.. The second level is called "imperial", where a person can control impulses and reflexes but cannot control their desires, so "I want" comes first. At this level, people around are perceived just as a means to achieve your goals. In the conducted research, it turned out that 6%!!!!!! of adults remained at this level.... Here only fear of punishment can stop such people because usually they don’t have such a value as honesty.
The second reason is the willing to avoid consequences, which is quite obvious and simple.
And the third reason is when people lie in order not to show who they really are, when it is very difficult to admit the truth to oneself. And here people will lie even when the truth about themselves is very obvious to everyone, even when you are "caught" in deception, because it is difficult to admit to oneself that you are an as***le, or a bad father, or an unloved husband etc. We all evolutionarily fear so-called "exile from society" because in ancient times it meant certain death. But by deceiving ourselves and others about who we really are, we only make ourselves feel good in the short term, but in the long term – it will be only worse
The reasons why people lie are more or less understandable. But are there reasons why people should NOT lie?
May be these 4 reasons would be good enough to choose not to lie:
Loss of trust. Think back to when someone close to you lied—how did it feel? Unpleasant, right? But what's more important is that you won't fully trust that person again, ever. And when you lie yourself, can you trust yourself in the future? If you lose trust due to lies, you won't be able to regain it. From an evolutionary perspective, we're designed never to forget who deceived us.
It's complicated. Lying tends to lead to another lie. And then another. Soon enough, the lies construct a multi-layered, intricate structure. Truth is simple and requires no effort to remember. Lies, however, need to be memorized and monitored to avoid tripping up. It's difficult, which is why it’s said there's no lie that can stand the test of time.
The mirror effect. It’s a very intriguing psychological phenomenon. When we deceive, we manipulate others, create for them a distorted reality and inhibit them from making conscious choices. But by doing this to others, we also allow the possibility of the same treatment for ourselves. Most likely, in the life of a deceiver, there have been and will be many instances of decision-making based on distorted reality. Therefore, if you don't want information distorted for you, don't distort it for others.
Personal development. When you decide to speak only the truth, you'll need to think carefully about what you say. Speaking the truth means speaking factually, wisely, calmly, without distorting reality. When you stop deceiving others, you also stop deceiving yourself. Imagine the incredible progress you can achieve in life simply by accepting reality as it is, rather than distorting it for your own comfort. You'll be able to make quality decisions and fill your life with meanings, people, things and goals that truly matter to you.
But remember, not lying to people doesn't mean saying everything that comes to mind. Not deceiving means not intentionally misleading people when they expect the truth from you. For example, with secrets - if you're asked about things you consider your secrets, you shouldn't lie, but there's also no need to share them. Or for example, it's not necessary to disclose what is currently irrelevant to you. If sharing certain information won't serve any purpose, your answer should still be truthful.
Remember that blunt truth without love and empathy can simply be heartlessness.