Affective Blocks: The Key to Emotional Resilience. Part 1
Have you ever wondered why some people navigate stress with ease while others feel overwhelmed by the smallest setbacks? The answer lies in something we rarely think about—affective blocks. These invisible patterns, formed in our earliest months of life, shape how we respond to discomfort, whether we learn to tolerate frustration or become anxious in the face of uncertainty.
Understanding affective blocks isn’t just an academic exercise—it’s a way to make sense of our emotional resilience, our capacity for joy, and why some struggles feel unbearable while others barely register.
But how do these patterns form? To understand, we need to go back to the very beginning—the first three months of life.
Understanding affective blocks isn’t just an academic exercise—it’s a way to make sense of our emotional resilience, our capacity for joy, and why some struggles feel unbearable while others barely register.
But how do these patterns form? To understand, we need to go back to the very beginning—the first three months of life.
The First Three Months: How We Learn to Handle Discomfort
In the first three months of life, a baby experiences the world in the simplest terms: everything is either good or bad. There’s no analysis, no differentiation—just raw sensations. At this stage, the infant’s world is purely instinctual, driven entirely by basic needs.
But within these first three months, something extraordinary happens. The baby starts to notice a pattern: hunger turns into satisfaction, discomfort into relief. Over and over, needs are met, and through this repetition, a foundational emotional response system begins to form.
But within these first three months, something extraordinary happens. The baby starts to notice a pattern: hunger turns into satisfaction, discomfort into relief. Over and over, needs are met, and through this repetition, a foundational emotional response system begins to form.
What Is an Affective Block?
What Is an Affective Block?
To understand this concept, let’s look at feeding—the most straightforward example.
A newborn doesn’t recognize hunger in the way adults do. At first, they experience a vague sense of discomfort. They might start smacking their lips, searching, shifting restlessly. As the discomfort intensifies, they cry—not because they "know" they are hungry, but because something feels wrong.
Then comes a predictable response: a caring parent picks them up and feeds them. The distress fades instantly, replaced by warmth, fullness, and comfort. This cycle repeats countless times, wiring the baby’s brain to expect that discomfort will be followed by relief.
When this process unfolds in a stable, nurturing environment, the baby internalizes a crucial life lesson: discomfort is temporary, and relief will come.
To understand this concept, let’s look at feeding—the most straightforward example.
A newborn doesn’t recognize hunger in the way adults do. At first, they experience a vague sense of discomfort. They might start smacking their lips, searching, shifting restlessly. As the discomfort intensifies, they cry—not because they "know" they are hungry, but because something feels wrong.
Then comes a predictable response: a caring parent picks them up and feeds them. The distress fades instantly, replaced by warmth, fullness, and comfort. This cycle repeats countless times, wiring the baby’s brain to expect that discomfort will be followed by relief.
When this process unfolds in a stable, nurturing environment, the baby internalizes a crucial life lesson: discomfort is temporary, and relief will come.
Optimism vs. Pessimism: The Patterns We Inherit
This early learning goes beyond feeding. Because an infant’s mind doesn’t yet differentiate between types of experiences, this expectation of relief applies to all aspects of life. Over time, it shapes a fundamental outlook:
- If the baby’s distress is consistently followed by comfort, they develop a deep, unconscious belief that things will work out. This is the foundation of optimism.
- If, on the other hand, their needs are met inconsistently—or not at all—their nervous system learns something else: good things are fleeting, and security is unreliable. This lays the groundwork for a more anxious, pessimistic worldview.
How Affective Blocks Shape Our Emotional Resilience
At its core, an affective block is a simple but powerful connection:
Discomfort → Receiving → Pleasure / Comfort
When this cycle is repeated enough times, the brain internalizes a basic truth: no matter how unpleasant a situation is, it will pass.
This belief creates two key abilities:
In this way, discomfort stops being perceived as stress and starts being seen as anticipation.
Discomfort → Receiving → Pleasure / Comfort
When this cycle is repeated enough times, the brain internalizes a basic truth: no matter how unpleasant a situation is, it will pass.
This belief creates two key abilities:
- Tolerance for discomfort.
- People who trust that discomfort is temporary don’t panic in difficult situations. Anxiety and fear don’t overwhelm them because they have an internalized sense of stability.
- The ability to wait.
- They don’t feel the need to fix or escape problems instantly.
- They can endure temporary hardship, knowing that relief will follow.
- They feel joy more intensely when good things happen because they’ve learned to endure the wait.
In this way, discomfort stops being perceived as stress and starts being seen as anticipation.
Why This Matters?
Affective blocks do more than shape our outlook on life. They serve two critical psychological functions:
When affective blocks are broken—when discomfort never reliably leads to relief—life starts to feel dull. The ability to feel intense happiness diminishes, leaving a person emotionally flat.
This is what we often call “grey depression.” Nothing is dramatically wrong, but nothing brings real joy either. The holiday lights might be shining, but they don’t sparkle the way they used to.
- They prevent discomfort from triggering overwhelming anxiety.
- They allow us to experience the full depth of joy.
When affective blocks are broken—when discomfort never reliably leads to relief—life starts to feel dull. The ability to feel intense happiness diminishes, leaving a person emotionally flat.
This is what we often call “grey depression.” Nothing is dramatically wrong, but nothing brings real joy either. The holiday lights might be shining, but they don’t sparkle the way they used to.
When Discomfort Doesn’t Lead to Comfort: Three Types of Breakdown
In a healthy emotional system, discomfort naturally transitions into comfort—that’s how affective blocks function. But what happens when this process is disrupted? A breakdown occurs when “good” never arrives—when pleasure simply doesn’t happen. There are three key ways this system can break down.
1) When Discomfort Lasts Too Long
Imagine stepping into a packed subway train on a scorching summer day. It’s +30°C, the air is heavy, the car is overcrowded, and there’s only one tiny window cracked open at the far end. You ride like this for three stops, then step outside—and suddenly, the fresh air feels incredible, almost intoxicating.
Now imagine riding in that heat, in that cramped space, for three hours instead of just ten minutes. When you finally get out, the relief is gone. The fresh air doesn’t feel good anymore—you’re just exhausted.
When discomfort is prolonged beyond a certain point, it no longer leads to pleasure. Even if you eventually get what you wanted, the enjoyment is lost.
The same happens with children. If a baby cries for too long without being comforted, the brain adapts: Crying is useless. Over time, their ability to feel pleasure fades.
The ability to experience joy is one of the strongest indicators of psychological well-being. When this ability is weakened, people start seeking artificial substitutes—dopamine hits, addictions, distractions. If left unchecked, it can lead to a state where life itself feels like pure discomfort, an endless struggle with no relief.
Now imagine riding in that heat, in that cramped space, for three hours instead of just ten minutes. When you finally get out, the relief is gone. The fresh air doesn’t feel good anymore—you’re just exhausted.
When discomfort is prolonged beyond a certain point, it no longer leads to pleasure. Even if you eventually get what you wanted, the enjoyment is lost.
The same happens with children. If a baby cries for too long without being comforted, the brain adapts: Crying is useless. Over time, their ability to feel pleasure fades.
The ability to experience joy is one of the strongest indicators of psychological well-being. When this ability is weakened, people start seeking artificial substitutes—dopamine hits, addictions, distractions. If left unchecked, it can lead to a state where life itself feels like pure discomfort, an endless struggle with no relief.
2) When Comfort Comes Too Soon
Think about your childhood and the little indulgences that felt special—maybe your grandmother baking cherry pies or frying crispy potatoes. Those small moments of joy stand out because they were anticipated.
Now picture this: you have a packed schedule—business breakfast, work meetings, networking lunch, another business dinner. By the time you get home, that long-awaited homemade meal is there, but do you still crave it the same way? Probably not.
If comfort comes before you have time to truly desire it, it loses its impact.
The same applies to children. If they are given something before they have a chance to want it, the pleasure disappears.
For an affective block to function properly, desire must build before fulfillment. If comfort arrives too early, the brain never registers it as valuable.
This is the paradox:
Now picture this: you have a packed schedule—business breakfast, work meetings, networking lunch, another business dinner. By the time you get home, that long-awaited homemade meal is there, but do you still crave it the same way? Probably not.
If comfort comes before you have time to truly desire it, it loses its impact.
The same applies to children. If they are given something before they have a chance to want it, the pleasure disappears.
For an affective block to function properly, desire must build before fulfillment. If comfort arrives too early, the brain never registers it as valuable.
This is the paradox:
- Too much discomfort ruins pleasure.
- But getting comfort too soon also ruins pleasure.
3) Interrupting the Moment of Comfort
The third way affective blocks break down is by disrupting the experience of pleasure itself.
Imagine you’ve had a long, exhausting day—too busy to even glance in the mirror, let alone eat properly. Finally, you come home. The smell of roasted chicken fills the air, potatoes are boiling, someone pours you a glass of wine or tea. You sit down, take your first bite, and finally relax. This is the moment of pleasure.
And then— “Mom, can you read me a book?”“Hey, can you take the trash out?”“The dog needs a walk!” “Did you pay that bill?”
Or the classic example: a child rushes home from school, sits down to eat, takes their first bite—and immediately hears, “Did you finish your homework?”
That’s it. The moment of pleasure is broken.
Parents often assume their child is simply avoiding responsibilities. In reality, the child is instinctively defending their pleasure phase—because enjoyment must be fully experienced, without interference.
Imagine you’ve had a long, exhausting day—too busy to even glance in the mirror, let alone eat properly. Finally, you come home. The smell of roasted chicken fills the air, potatoes are boiling, someone pours you a glass of wine or tea. You sit down, take your first bite, and finally relax. This is the moment of pleasure.
And then— “Mom, can you read me a book?”“Hey, can you take the trash out?”“The dog needs a walk!” “Did you pay that bill?”
Or the classic example: a child rushes home from school, sits down to eat, takes their first bite—and immediately hears, “Did you finish your homework?”
That’s it. The moment of pleasure is broken.
Parents often assume their child is simply avoiding responsibilities. In reality, the child is instinctively defending their pleasure phase—because enjoyment must be fully experienced, without interference.
How to Protect the Pleasure Phase
How to Protect the Pleasure Phase
One of the most valuable emotional skills is learning to pause and fully experience joy.
As children, the cycle is simple: hungry → fed, cold → warm, wet → dry. But in adult life, discomfort can last for years. People spend a decade studying, building careers, working toward financial success—only to never give themselves time to enjoy it.
Over time, the brain develops one of two belief systems:
“Unhappiness is just a pause between two happy moments. Everything will be fine.”
This mindset creates resilience, openness to life, and a willingness to take risks.
“Happiness is just a brief accident between two moments of suffering.”
This mindset makes people afraid of joy, hesitant to embrace good things, always waiting for the next disaster.
Which mindset we carry depends on the affective blocks we developed in childhood.
One of the most valuable emotional skills is learning to pause and fully experience joy.
- Drink your coffee and sit in silence for three minutes.
- When you finish a big project, take time to feel the satisfaction before rushing into the next task.
- After working hard for months, let yourself enjoy the rewards instead of immediately chasing a new goal.
As children, the cycle is simple: hungry → fed, cold → warm, wet → dry. But in adult life, discomfort can last for years. People spend a decade studying, building careers, working toward financial success—only to never give themselves time to enjoy it.
Over time, the brain develops one of two belief systems:
“Unhappiness is just a pause between two happy moments. Everything will be fine.”
This mindset creates resilience, openness to life, and a willingness to take risks.
“Happiness is just a brief accident between two moments of suffering.”
This mindset makes people afraid of joy, hesitant to embrace good things, always waiting for the next disaster.
Which mindset we carry depends on the affective blocks we developed in childhood.
This article is inspired by the lecture of Ekaterina Sokalskaya on affective blocks and emotional resilience.